Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
