i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I party with great urgency now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
