Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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