these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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