Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
