I wish you could order shots online.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize