I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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