Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
