You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think my moral compass just broke
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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