i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
