he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
