Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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