Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
