Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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