I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
