I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How's work?
Spinning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
