just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
