so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
