Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my poor anus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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