she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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