I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
