My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
