Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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