I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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