I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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