five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize