you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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