guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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