i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
