I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
