Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He passed out mid-signature
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
