My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
