No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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