I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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