I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize