I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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