It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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