she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize