The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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