I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
