I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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