Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
