thus making me awesome and them whores
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
