Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
