you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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