If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
