My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
