Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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