i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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