dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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