He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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