Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
