im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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