Heybabeimwearingurpanties
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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