I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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