I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
