I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
