Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
