Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
