two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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