I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just googled if crying burns calories
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
