im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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