what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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