how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
