Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
