we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am one with the molecules
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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