Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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