Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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