What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
