I love black thongs
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
