Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
