I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
