I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize