She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
