I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
