Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
