she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
