I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
