your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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