Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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