I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Come on in and take your pants off
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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