The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I want her autograph on my taint
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
