He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
