Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
