Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
