I think I died a long time ago.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
