no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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