I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
