i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
