I need help removing her.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
