I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
