she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
